What a week for the Internet, which I originally typed in lower case because you’re supposed to now, and that my phone auto-corrected to capitals, because it doesn’t get the memos from time to time. Heck, I’ll Capitalize The Whole Damn Sentence To Make Up For E.E. Cummings If You Want, Phone. The lectures abound. Every day since the tragedy in Orlando (the acerbic person would ask “Which one?”–that town has had a bad time of it) there’s been a lot of heavy-handed shoulds bandied about, but I’ve heard a lot of those without current events lately, too. I’m not supposed to care what other people think but I am supposed to be a citizen of the world. I’m supposed to be me but no one can physically stomach the me that I am right now (including me).
What is a girl to do?
Well, for starters, I am not going to advise. I’m in no position to do that, and…I’m also in no mood to take advice. I still think the sexiest thing anyone can do is admit vulnerability, or, if they possess complete command of the universe, ask what they can do to help. I’m alone in that thought, though, I reckon. So I’ve reached back into the past for a little help to stand alone and like everyone wants everyone to do.
When was I invincible? When did I not give a flip if I failed because I never thought I could? High school. University. I don’t think it was a youth thing–I was most confident at university because the topic of conversation was Literature with a capital L, and the folks I was talking about it with didn’t put on obscurity like a double-stitched suit of pretension or didn’t return my side of the conversation with a blank stare of “Wait…are you talking about a book?” I have five stacks of books in this room waiting to be read because I’m trying to understand folks “not like me” and watching all the hip stuff on Netflix and HBO Go and iTunes and I get lost when I do that. At university the hip thing was reading the novel and being able to gush on it like it was a prehistoric Orange Is The New Black (which started as a book, if I’m not mistaken). No -isms, just, “I had a girlfriend like Miss Havisham once. Discuss.”
Walking away from readers ain’t the answer. I think the chiding of “find someone not like you” needs to stop benefitting anyone if one person is doing all the adapting.
The personals ad/Tinder profile would read like this:
- Reader/writer looking for another reader/writer;
- Preferably someone who reads/writes in a different voice than me;
- (Should be pretty easy, right, since I’m supposed to listen to my own voice);
- Wish list: curious, doesn’t mansplain, good listener, has an unabusive sense of humor.
What do I care? That person would be the rainmaker.
What have I been trying to read lately?
- Still catching up on the fiction issue of The New Yorker;
- “The Mare” by Mary Gaitskill;
- “A Brief History of Seven Killings,” the Bob Marley novel by Marlon James. Damn thing’s like trying to read Junot Diaz, but I love it;
- “Hamilton” by Ron Cherow (there’s a reason Lin-Manuel Miranda was inspired, I found out quick).
What am I listening to with it?
- Hozier’s “Better Love” from “The Legend of Tarzan” soundtrack;
- Paul Simon’s latest album;
- Muse, just all over the place;
- Ages and Ages, “They Want More”;
- A Jamaican remix of Cyndi Lauper’s “I Drove All Night” (Marlon James in bleeding into other areas).
And…writing…always writing. ❤️